he wants to bone in the snuggie
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
