dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
