I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
