i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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