peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
