how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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