I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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