Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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