My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
