I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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