i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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