He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
