it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
