Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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