I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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