I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
