You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize