i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
