you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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