bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
