hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
