Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
