so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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