im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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