R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
