Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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