Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
