onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
