So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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