from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
smell my finger.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
