My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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