I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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