Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
