You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
