Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
