It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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