no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
