Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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