im having a threesome with these popsicles
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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