Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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