my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
