Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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