im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
