people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
