omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
