you guys were way drunker than both of me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
