Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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