Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
