You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
