I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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