I wish I could punch you in the face.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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