if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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