plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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