You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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