I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
