I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize