so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
