Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
