I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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