just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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