I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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