so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
