I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
