my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
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body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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