Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
