Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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