no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Damn victory sex feels great
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
