god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
