why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
