I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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